i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
