Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
