that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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