the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
