I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
COCAINE IS GR8
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
