You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
