There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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