i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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