Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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