you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
