We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
