We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
