is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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