I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
