Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
