I puked a lego.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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