she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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