You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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