She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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