you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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