HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my sisters under your porch take her home
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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