Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
