So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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