you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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