based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
