Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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