You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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