the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
