I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
