And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So squirting runs in the family.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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