Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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