I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
4 words: hood of his car
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
