They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
