you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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