whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
