Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
