i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
