it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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