i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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