I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
