So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
