is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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