Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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