dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
