Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
