I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
