Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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