So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
