you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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