For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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