I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
