Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
