Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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