Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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