you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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