You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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