It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize