Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
