Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
