shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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