No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
