well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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