My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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