Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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