so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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